I took a drive before sunset this week. I just needed to get away from everything.

I cried when it started getting light out because it signaled one more day where things might not work out.

But the sunrise was full of fire and hope.

It was beautiful.

How can I dread something so gorgeous?

I'm terrified. But the days are going to keep passing by whether I want them to or not.

And I might as well try to enjoy each day as it comes. It does me no good to dread it.

What happens happens. 

Maybe the result will be beautiful.

I can't tell in the darkness. I need to wait for sunrise.

I'm feeling very trapped.

Trapped in a life where I don't see much in the future.

It's not all bleak, there are great, amazing things on the horizon; but when it comes to a the way I feel about myself, the future looks very bleak.


I am terrified that I will always be stuck in a dead end job.

If I had a goal to work for, I might feel differently. I have no idea what I want to be. I'm up, I'm grown. I should know by now. But I don't.

There is nothing that I can see when I look ahead except worry about paying bills and dread every morning when that alarm clock goes off.

I don't want to live my life like that.


I don't want to feel like I'm locked in a life that I don't want. I want to move on to bigger and better things.

But I don't know how to proceed and that scares me more than anything.

I'm trapped. I just want a peek outside the door I'm stuck behind and glimpse what lies behind it. Hopefully it's something much better than where I am now.