Okay, seriously though. I went to fill out paperwork for my AWESOME new job.

And they noticed what countless other employers have missed. Something I'd never even noticed.

The name on my Birth Certificate and Social Security Card wasn't Kathryn, but Katherine.

However, I've grown up spelling it Kathryn. And my Driver's License was spelled Kathryn as well.

Apparently the Utah DMV doesn't care if you spell your name the way it is spelled on your documentation either.

But my new employer does.

How is it my fault that someone mixed up my name when I was an infant?

Did they expect me to point out the mistake right out of the womb?

I didn't know how to read. Or spell my name.

Heck, when I heard my name, it probably sound more like the teacher from Charlie Brown was talking for the first few months of my life.

I blame the adults of 1989.

Yet. I'm still being punished.

They made me go to the DMV.

Living hell. Seriously.

I spent a grand amount of time going through the process of changing the name on my Driver's License.

I realize that it is spelled the correct (illegal) way on my Driver's License and I could have tried to change my Social Security Card to the correct (illegal) spelling.

But it was so much simpler just to adopt the wrong (legal) spelling of my name.

But I still feel a strange case of missing identity.

It's like finding out I have a long lost twin or that I was switched at birth or something.

Only... much less awesome.

Oh life.

Someday I will reclaim my name and my freedom!

I stumbled upon something today that made my mouth drop open in shock. 

Does anything look familiar? No? Let me help you.

It's the same girl!

Thief! Thief!

(Let's not mention that I have no idea who this girl is, and 'borrowed' the image from Google for my own purposes.)

But still! Jorra doesn't have flaming hair! Jorra lives under the water! Flames and water DON'T mix!

Sad.

I know that this was just the cover I created two years ago. And I know that if I ever get published, this won't be the cover they use.

But I feel so violated.

I like my cover better anyway.

Jorra could totally kick this 'fury' girl's butt! Fury is too feminine and soft. My Jorra would totally win in a fight.

I kinda want to read it though... You know... Just to be sure...

- 1st: My sister and I drove the nine hour trip to our home town. -

- 2nd: Played games at my aunt Shaneen's house with the family. -

- 4th: Happy 4th of July! The day started with a parade and ended with a BBQ, family and fireworks. -

- 5th: Hopped in the car for the drive back to Vegas. Nine hours is much too long. -

- 8th: Kevin gets here for his 8 day visit! -

- 8th-16th: Kevin and I did so many things over these 8 days. Like swimming, movies, walking the strip and more. You can check out the full list here! -

- 13th: Interview at Kohl's. Cause I need me a second job! Also, happy birthday Dad! I love you!-

- 16th: Kevin leaves. I cried. A lot. -
- 25th: My sister took me out to eat at Red Robin. Good food! Good company!

- 27th-29th: Stress beyond belief. So glad that lifted a little. -

- 29th: Got the job at Kohl's! Yay! -

Any moment with Kevin. There were so many. If I had to choose. The end of day one of his visit when we realized that we still had seven days left. That was a good feeling!

A toss up between watching Kevin leave or finding out I might have to move home to live with my parents. Both were very awful. And both made me cry. A lot.

Chicken Fingers from Raising Canes. They are SO good. How have I missed out on these for so long?

Also, it's not food, but Raising Canes has the BEST Lemonade ever. Seriously. Try it. Now.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - I think this was the fourth time I've read it. Kevin and I read it together. I love this book!

Delirium by Lauren Oliver - So good! I almost passed this one up. So glad I didn't!

Birthmarked by Caragh M. O'Brien - I wasn't sure for the first few chapters, but I ended up loving it!

Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare - A wonderful prequel to the Mortal Instruments series! I love Clare's books!

Entwined by Heather Dixon - So cute! And surprisingly nail biting! I loved it!

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins - Read with Kevin. Loved it just as much the third time. He loved it too!

The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Mary E. Pearson - Took much longer to get through than it should have. I didn't love it.
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins - Still not thrilled with it. I'm not as numb and exhausted as I was when I first read it. Thanks for reading it with me, anyway Kevin.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 - Wonderful! It was fantastic! Alan Rickman's performance was the best part!

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Definitely one of the best cartoons out there, if not one of the best shows period!

The month went from very busy to very very very slow. And all of that down time made me feel very down. I'm feeling much better now. Things are beginning to work themselves out. At least a bit. It's going to take some hard work on my part. And I'm excited to get my hands dirty in August. 

I'm feeling very trapped.

Trapped in a life where I don't see much in the future.

It's not all bleak, there are great, amazing things on the horizon; but when it comes to a the way I feel about myself, the future looks very bleak.


I am terrified that I will always be stuck in a dead end job.

If I had a goal to work for, I might feel differently. I have no idea what I want to be. I'm up, I'm grown. I should know by now. But I don't.

There is nothing that I can see when I look ahead except worry about paying bills and dread every morning when that alarm clock goes off.

I don't want to live my life like that.


I don't want to feel like I'm locked in a life that I don't want. I want to move on to bigger and better things.

But I don't know how to proceed and that scares me more than anything.

I'm trapped. I just want a peek outside the door I'm stuck behind and glimpse what lies behind it. Hopefully it's something much better than where I am now.

I was hoping to drown my ice cream-less sorrows in a carton of well... ice cream.

Sadly it only tasted of delicious, cookies and creamy failure.

I am hatching a new plan. I will catch that Ice Cream Man! Just you wait!

(Read part one here!)

My day has been pretty low key. After a week of plans and things to do, I'm feeling insanely bored. I have no plans. Any time I tried to come up with something to do, the plans fell through. I'm feeling a little bit down right now. It's no one's fault, I think it's just been one of the first times in a while that I've actually been left alone with my thoughts and emotions instead of putting them away while there are people around, or even venting a few of them with friends and family. I'm not a big fan of being alone with my emotions, thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong, it's good for me to work everything out in my alone time, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it. 

Have you ever felt like you are someone different than what everyone sees? That's how I'm feeling right now. I feel like I have multiple personalities. I show one side of me online, another when around my friends, another around my family. I think I'm even a different person when I'm alone. The differences are subtle for the most part, but I don't understand why I can't just be me. Just me. I want that to be enough.