My day has been pretty low key. After a week of plans and things to do, I'm feeling insanely bored. I have no plans. Any time I tried to come up with something to do, the plans fell through. I'm feeling a little bit down right now. It's no one's fault, I think it's just been one of the first times in a while that I've actually been left alone with my thoughts and emotions instead of putting them away while there are people around, or even venting a few of them with friends and family. I'm not a big fan of being alone with my emotions, thoughts and feelings. Don't get me wrong, it's good for me to work everything out in my alone time, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it. 

Have you ever felt like you are someone different than what everyone sees? That's how I'm feeling right now. I feel like I have multiple personalities. I show one side of me online, another when around my friends, another around my family. I think I'm even a different person when I'm alone. The differences are subtle for the most part, but I don't understand why I can't just be me. Just me. I want that to be enough. 

You know, I've been trying to find events in my life that are blog worthy for nearly a week. Everything I do just seems too simple or mundane to create an entire blog post, let alone anything witty. I'm at a loss. So, I'm simply going to give you snippets from my life this past week.

I decided to start a gratitude journal. Well...blog actually. I decided that I needed reminding that there were good things in my life even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it. It's really only for me, and the past three days have been pretty great because of it. You are all welcome to read it, and I also encourage you to do the same. (I have yet to make it adorable, don't judge me.)

As of this morning, I have officially lost 20 pounds in 2 months. It's incredible what eating right and using appropriate portion sizes can do! I'm living testament that it works and hopefully will continue working.

I got roped into singing in a musical number in Sacrament Meeting on Valentines Day. It's not just me. It's a whole choir number. It's not a permanent choir, but I think that we should make it permanent. It's been so much fun, although challenging. We have one week to learn this song that has tricky four part harmony and piano and violin accompaniments. It's a BEAUTIFUL song. (And there are REALLY cute guys in the choir. Mmm. Music and musically talented boys. The best of both worlds.)

Sunday was full of butterflies and smiles. I know I said I don't think I'm feeling anything special for Pete, but I've always enjoyed it when a guy winks at me. He did so multiple times throughout the three hours we were both in the church house. Maybe the butterflies in my stomach were really feelings of guilt. Here was this guy that really seems to like me (for once) and I'm just not sure I can feel the same way about him. I've tried to make myself feel better by telling myself that he simply had an eyelash in his eye... that seemed to only plague him when he caught my gaze. Yeah. That's plausible, isn't it? Or maybe he hates me so much he has developed some kind of nervous tick that makes his face light up when he sees me. Am I doomed to only like guys that don't return the favor?

I've decided to go stag to the Valentine's Dance this Saturday. Is that pathetic? I don't think so. From what I heard from the guys at choir practice last night, they are all going, but don't have dates. No wonder I never date. The guys around here don't even ask girls to a free Valentines Day event. For crying out loud...