You know when you were little and you thought that when you grew up you would simply meet the perfect guy and live happily ever after? You'd have the perfect dream house, the perfect big backyard with a swing set (Because your parents never got you one), maybe even a perfect swimming pool. You'd have the kids that were perfect, just as you imagined yourself to be. (Looks, clothes and social hierarchy didn't matter when you were five.) You'd even have the little dog that was perfectly trained just as the dogs in the movies always were. Everything would be well... perfect.

I think I held on to this naive thought for most of my life. I definitely believe that love happens, and happiness, but it's not simply going to fall into your lap. Life isn't easy. It never will be. It took me a little bit too long to figure this out. 

I read my patriarchal blessing tonight. In simplified terms, it mentions that I will have a chance to attend the temple and marry a 'sweetheart of my own choosing.' I remember when I heard this for the first time at age 18; I felt elated, thrilled. Whomever I choose? Really? It's going to be that simple? 

But it isn't. At one point in my life, I thought I knew who I wanted. I wanted his love more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I didn't get it. It hurt. A lot. But now I realize that I hadn't chosen him. Not really. I remember in my prayers during that time in my life, I prayed to know whether he was the right choice. In my heart, I knew he wasn't. 

My blessing also cautioned me to 'choose carefully' for it would be the biggest, most important decision I would ever make. Dang it. It's become complicated again. I know this caution is one that I should pay attention to, and I will. I'm going to keep this thought in my prayers, and when the guy is right, I'm confident that I'll know. My heart will choose him completely. 

I just wish things were easier... but I suppose that will simply make it more amazing when I find it. And the vision of the perfect house, yard, dog is probably a long shot as well. (Not the kids. I don't care what anyone else will say, my kids will be my whole world. They will be perfect. I love them so much already.) The struggles I go through now will simply make me stronger once I've 'chosen my sweetheart' so that we can make it forever and eternity. I suppose waiting and strengthening myself until that moment will seem like so small an amount of time compared to forever.