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Saturday, July 30, 2011


I've been really scared lately.

Every new day just brings me closer to the unknown and it terrifies me.

I wake up exhausted and worried. My heart feels constricted in my chest and every beat feels like a struggle.

I am afraid.

I took a drive before sunset this week. I just needed to get away from everything.

I cried when it started getting light out because it signaled one more day where things might not work out.

But the sunrise was full of fire and hope.

It was beautiful.

How can I dread something so gorgeous?

I'm terrified. But the days are going to keep passing by whether I want them to or not.

And I might as well try to enjoy each day as it comes. It does me no good to dread it.

What happens happens. 

Maybe the result will be beautiful.

I can't tell in the darkness. I need to wait for sunrise.

17 Thoughts:

Smart Ass Sara said...

I can't say that I have ever dreaded being able to have another day with people I love and doing something I enjoy. But I really think everybody needs to have something that they really enjoy- maybe it's work, maybe it's a hobby, but everybody needs to have something they look forward to doing. You don't have a dream job? Who cares? Find a job that pays you enough for you to do the fun things you enjoy. Don't have a hobby? Find one- you'll get to try a lot of new things in the process. :)

Cherie @ Lots of Jewels' Blog said...

Dearest Kate,

You seem so young, I was where you are at one time. This seems a difficult time, I don't know you personally but I have empathized with your feelings! I will be praying that you find what you are looking for ~ it is out there. Peace will come to you...

Krista said...

I feel this way when I think of death. It would paralyze me sometimes.. make me cry. It worried me that no one truly knew the answer as to where we go after we die.

Is it black like before memory? If so, that terrifies me. Not knowing terrifies me.

I guess I have hope that something will happen. When I look around, I marvel at how all of this... everything around us, came to be. Look at how far we've come as humans. That gives me hope, too.

I figure if this life is a miracle, maybe death is, too. Thinking about that pacifies me... and knowing that anything can happen at any moment, it inspires me to live each day to the fullest.

Because one never knows...

Booklogged said...

Love the pictures and the symbolism the sunrise represents in your life right now. Tough times teach us and it sounds like you're learning.

Love you!

Dave said...

Whatever it is that's going on with you, I think you're going to be okay. Maybe not right away, but it will happen. Just trust it, okay?
Hope you'll feel better soon.

Jess said...

Gorgeous Photos! Love them all, sunrises are my favourite!

Lisa said...

wow great photos... wish i saw that sunrise!

xoxo LIsa

Robyn said...

I'm sorry you felt you had to get away-but hopefully you felt better after those gorgeous scenes!

shah wharton said...

Hey Sweetie - You might like to take advantage of my Monday Madness Mental Health linky. Thats is not to say I'm saying you have a M.H issue! But it enables a sharing platform for people who a re struggling with their emotions right now, for what ever reason. I see this applies to you, sadly. This post in particular would be a fabulous addition for other involved in the linky, because it illustrates emotional problems artistically and creatively in photographs and words.

I'm sending a cyber-hug. Catch it and do think about stopping by tomorrow.

(Todays link is here:)

Delaney said...

Great post & love the pictures!
Sweet Tea Serendipity

smallgirl said...

Hi Kate. I've been reading your blog for a while now and I just wanted to say hang in there - things do (and will) get better, eventually. Sending you positive thoughts over the ocean!

Jen (Mama Schell) said...

What beautiful photos...I too understand where you are coming from. I've had to make some hard decisions lately that will bring me the unknown. But change can also bring about amazing, wonderful things. All that I an give you advice about is to keep yourself open to possibilities...sometimes the most amazing things happen when you least expect them!

Kate as of Late said...

I feel the same way, I'm in a funk lately and don't know how to get out of it. I'm scared because I have plans for years from now but not for RIGHT now.
Gorgeous photos by the way, I wish I could take pictures like that!

L!$@ said...

Gorgeous photos! My favourite things to watch are sunrises and sunsets...just something so magical about them.

Kate said...

Stopping in from FTLOB, we share the same name! Those are some lovely photos and I hope whatever it is that is troubling you is resolved soon with the outcome you are hoping for.

Tara said...

I second what others have said - I have been in that position where life seems just SCARY. But things do get better! It just sometimes takes more effort than we originally want to put out.

julie said...

I love the pictures! You have a keen eye for beauty...and how can you go wrong with a sunrise?! :)

I have learned something valuable in my short time on earth: sometimes (most times) you have to take matters into your own hands and WORK at making your life into what you want it to be. If I want something bad enough, I do whatever it takes to get it, sometimes facing rejection and failure several times before reaching my goal. Don't sit back and JUST hope for what you want, do what you need to do to get it done, even if that means working at jobs that you don't love to have money to live while you pursue your dream or moving to a new town or giving up things that you enjoy but that may distract you from your goal or giving up a job you love for the man you love more or even sky diving out of a plane if that's what it takes! :)

Fear is based on not knowing what's going to happen, but if you're doing all you can to accomplish your goal, the fear is lessened, maybe even banished. You still may not know what is going to happen, but at least you have the peace of knowing you did all you could.

Finally, sometimes things haven't turned out the way I had hoped and worked for, but time eventually showed me that how things turned out actually was better than I had hoped for or benefited me in ways my plan couldn't have.

Good luck, Kate, and know that the people who love you (me included) are hoping for the best things for you!