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Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Gates
9:01 AM
I've been feeling lately like I am not quite reaching my full potential.
It's like I'm standing on one side of a closed gate and the potential that my future holds is on the other side.
I can see it all there. It's bright. It's shiny. It's what I want.
I just need to be brave enough to open it and step out into the world.
Thanks to Hannah for the support. Before enrolling in a course, she checked out accounting school rankings online to make sure she knew more about her options. In her free time she enjoys photography and writing.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Down
11:29 AM
I'm feeling down.
Down like a bird that can't fly.
Down like a fallen dish, shattered on the floor.
Down like... something that's not up. (I'm out of metaphors.)
There are a few reasons why this is...
1. I think it's finally sinking in that my Grandma is gone and that she's really not going to be there the next time I go to her house. Anytime I think about Thanksgiving, or Christmas Eve, it really hurts. She was the center of both of those holidays and traditions, and change scares me. I miss my grandma.
2. I'm unemployed again. When I started my job, I knew that it might only be temporary. I was taking the place of a 70 year old woman who had broken her arm and had a myriad of other health problems. But they wanted her back when she was better if her doctor gave her the okay. She wasn't supposed to be back until November. When I showed up for work on Wednesday, she was there. Two weeks early. She and my coworker were shocked that no one had called me. I went down to my bosses office trying not to cry.
3. I had to take down my green screen out of the spare bedroom. And I have no idea where I can put it now when I make my next book review. But that's kind of minor. I'm just a little bummed.
4. National Novel Writing Month starts in 9 days. While I think I've got a pretty good idea of what I'm doing, I'm a little bit terrified.
5. I just want someone to hold me.
Enough of me whining. Here are some happy things too.
1. It's raining and smells wonderful. The sun is shining through the clouds and the wet, colorful leaves look beautiful.
2. I'm about to play (and maybe finish) Zelda: Ocarina of Time. That's awesome!
3. I've started making my Halloween costume! It's poofy!
Things aren't so bad. I've got a good life and things to keep me busy.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thankful
10:37 PM
I am thankful for a wonderful family who love and supports me and each other. It's so great to be able to come together this weekend to celebrate my grandmother's wonderful life. I love you all SO much.
I am thankful for dustless shelves. It took forever to get them perfectly dust free, but they look so nice.
I am thankful that my family wasn't hurt when they smashed into a deer on the way here. The car was totaled, but I'm glad that everyone is okay.
I am thankful for family videos and pictures so we can look back and remember things we may have otherwise forgotten.
I am thankful for a beautiful quilt that my grandmother made for me before she died.
I am also thankful that I have clean, awesome smelling, toasty warm sheets and blankets to crawl into to fall asleep.
Good night everyone!
What are you thankful for?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Life Was Simpler
3:02 AM
Tonight was a rough one. I don't want to get into all of the details right now since I've got other plans for this post. And I'm sure I'll write about it later when it's more relevant.
So, in an attempt to distract my mind, I was looking through the pictures in an old box I found while watching K-Stew stutter like her mouth is riding a jackhammer. (I really don't know why I own this movie. I don't like it. Maybe if I could remember how awful I find Twilight, I would forget how much today sucked?)
So, while looking through pictures; I came across this one.
Yes. I'm that adorableness in the panties and one shoe.
It made me laugh and I just had to share it with all of you.
I've come to a conclusion about this picture: Life was simpler when I was little.
Here's why:
1. I didn't have to worry about my outfit being perfect. There was no one to impress. Everyone in my life already loved me.
2. Who cared if my hair was crazy? I was still cute!
3. Clothes were always cute. There weren't curves to fit clothes to.
4. It was considered adorable when I showed off my chubby thighs. (And princess panties were in style too.)
So I've decided that while it's not okay to dress THIS extreme in the future, but maybe I should let my life be a little more simple.
(Also, this movie is really terrible. It's hilarious! It's definitely cheered me up!)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Six Degrees of Katie's Brain
10:48 AM
My head is a jumbled mess of thoughts. So many of them are unconnected, but like six degrees of Kevin Bacon, I'm sure I could figure out a way to connect them.
Thought #1: It's weird seeing people my age getting married. People YOUNGER than me getting married. I'm happy for them. Albeit a little jealous. But when it comes down to it, I'm not ready for that kind of a commitment. Maybe if I had that one amazing guy in my life, I'd be willing and capable of taking that step. But at the moment, I haven't found the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. So, it's not that I'm jealous that they are married and moving on with their lives, starting that new chapter in their lives. I'm jealous that they have someone to love for the rest of eternity and I don't.
Thought #2: Why am I having so much trouble keeping to my diet or to my exercise plan? I want to lose this weight. So badly. I've been stuck within 3 pounds on either side of 180 for the past 4 months. It's aggravating. After losing nearly 40 pounds so quickly, being stuck at this weight that doesn't satisfy me is really bothering me. I don't think that my clothes look nice on my body, though I try my best to hide how uncomfortable I feel. (Connection to #1: I've been feeling like my appearance isn't attractive to men.)
Thought #3: I'm still unemployed. In October, I'll have been unemployed for a year. It's not that I haven't been trying to find a job. I just under qualified. I know that I need to get over my stupid pride and start at the bottom. Work at McDonald's or something. But honestly... the thought repulses me. For a few reasons, but the biggest one is that I have little to no self control when it comes to food. I've been doing pretty well trying to avoid fast food, but if I work there, I might just gain those 40 pounds right back. I can't let that happen. But I hate that I don't have any money. To buy clothes, to buy a car, to get out of my parent's house. (Connection to #2: Maybe if I had money to buy clothes better suited for my body type right now, I wouldn't feel so awkward at my weight.)
Thought #4: I've been messing around with Photoshop again after a long time. It's taken a little bit of time to get back into the swing of things, but I think I picked it up alright. I worked on my blog and I love the way it turned out. I owe Photoshop for all of that. I feel like I should get back into making videos as well. I haven't made a video since I started losing weight. Mostly because I was losing weight so quickly, I thought it wouldn't be long before I looked all smashing. I could make a video in a few months and surprise all of my viewers with how good I looked. But I don't feel like I'm at that point yet, so I haven't made a video. I've been trying to write a lot more as well, but I don't feel like it's anything special. It doesn't ignite my interest. (Connection to #3: I feel mediocre in everything I do. Why would anyone want to hire someone mediocre when they can have someone amazing?)
Thought #5: I want to read. But every time I sit down with a book, I read half a chapter and lose interest. (Connection to #4: Maybe I'm jealous that the writing is better than mine?)
Thought #6: My grandma is really sick. She has cancer and has only been given a few months to live. I think I've taken for granted how wonderful she is. I love her so much. I've been learning so much about her just by listening to my family members talk about her life. Yesterday she told a simple story about how when my grandpa proposed, he had to leave soon after. He was in the military and was stationed somewhere else. He sent her the rings in the mail and she had to put it on her own hand. I wish I had taken more time to get to know about her life. She's an amazing woman, and I have only seen a small bit of her incredible life. (Connection to #5: My grandma's life is a story that I don't know, just like all those books that I can't find the gumption to read.)
This post was kind of depressing. Forgive me for my rants. I've just got so many negative thoughts in my head right now and needed to get them out somehow. I'll try and replace them with positive ideas and get back to happy posting soon.
Thought #1: It's weird seeing people my age getting married. People YOUNGER than me getting married. I'm happy for them. Albeit a little jealous. But when it comes down to it, I'm not ready for that kind of a commitment. Maybe if I had that one amazing guy in my life, I'd be willing and capable of taking that step. But at the moment, I haven't found the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. So, it's not that I'm jealous that they are married and moving on with their lives, starting that new chapter in their lives. I'm jealous that they have someone to love for the rest of eternity and I don't.
Thought #2: Why am I having so much trouble keeping to my diet or to my exercise plan? I want to lose this weight. So badly. I've been stuck within 3 pounds on either side of 180 for the past 4 months. It's aggravating. After losing nearly 40 pounds so quickly, being stuck at this weight that doesn't satisfy me is really bothering me. I don't think that my clothes look nice on my body, though I try my best to hide how uncomfortable I feel. (Connection to #1: I've been feeling like my appearance isn't attractive to men.)Thought #3: I'm still unemployed. In October, I'll have been unemployed for a year. It's not that I haven't been trying to find a job. I just under qualified. I know that I need to get over my stupid pride and start at the bottom. Work at McDonald's or something. But honestly... the thought repulses me. For a few reasons, but the biggest one is that I have little to no self control when it comes to food. I've been doing pretty well trying to avoid fast food, but if I work there, I might just gain those 40 pounds right back. I can't let that happen. But I hate that I don't have any money. To buy clothes, to buy a car, to get out of my parent's house. (Connection to #2: Maybe if I had money to buy clothes better suited for my body type right now, I wouldn't feel so awkward at my weight.)
Thought #4: I've been messing around with Photoshop again after a long time. It's taken a little bit of time to get back into the swing of things, but I think I picked it up alright. I worked on my blog and I love the way it turned out. I owe Photoshop for all of that. I feel like I should get back into making videos as well. I haven't made a video since I started losing weight. Mostly because I was losing weight so quickly, I thought it wouldn't be long before I looked all smashing. I could make a video in a few months and surprise all of my viewers with how good I looked. But I don't feel like I'm at that point yet, so I haven't made a video. I've been trying to write a lot more as well, but I don't feel like it's anything special. It doesn't ignite my interest. (Connection to #3: I feel mediocre in everything I do. Why would anyone want to hire someone mediocre when they can have someone amazing?)
Thought #5: I want to read. But every time I sit down with a book, I read half a chapter and lose interest. (Connection to #4: Maybe I'm jealous that the writing is better than mine?)
Thought #6: My grandma is really sick. She has cancer and has only been given a few months to live. I think I've taken for granted how wonderful she is. I love her so much. I've been learning so much about her just by listening to my family members talk about her life. Yesterday she told a simple story about how when my grandpa proposed, he had to leave soon after. He was in the military and was stationed somewhere else. He sent her the rings in the mail and she had to put it on her own hand. I wish I had taken more time to get to know about her life. She's an amazing woman, and I have only seen a small bit of her incredible life. (Connection to #5: My grandma's life is a story that I don't know, just like all those books that I can't find the gumption to read.)
This post was kind of depressing. Forgive me for my rants. I've just got so many negative thoughts in my head right now and needed to get them out somehow. I'll try and replace them with positive ideas and get back to happy posting soon.
Tags:
Books,
Depressed,
Grandma,
Marriage,
Photoshop,
Romance,
Single,
Thoughts,
Unemployed,
Weight Loss
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5
Thoughts
Monday, August 2, 2010
Thoughts
11:17 PM
I've been so blog missing lately. Every time I sit down to write something... anything... I realize that there's not enough to write about. Just random snippets here and there. So I've decided to just randomly list the things that I'm up to, or the things that are going through my head. Enjoy my rambling.
Thoughts on VEGAS:
I've been living in Vegas for the past four weeks. I'll be here for two more weeks. I thought it would be this awesome-tastic party experience. I sit at home in the same spot I am sitting in as I write this post. All day. Toward the beginning of my stay, I had quite a few dates. Two different guys. I liked the second guy a lot more than the first. Meh. Didn't work out. Oh well.
I guess I really hoped that I'd meet huge amounts of people and we'd be partying it up Vegas style every night. Psh. I had more party in Vernal. Haha.
If anything, I've learned a whole lot about myself on this trip. I've learned more than ever how I need to rely on the Lord to keep me steady and going strong. That's definitely something.
Thoughts on MUSIC:
There is one thing about Vegas that I LOVE! The radio. I never listen to the radio in Vernal because... it isn't really any good.
Here are my favorite songs at the moment:
Thoughts on TV:
Another good thing about Vegas is that I sit at home and watch TV all day. In the last two weeks I finished Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and watched all of Avatar The Last Airbender, and all of Firefly.
I have now started watching BBC's Robin Hood. It's happy making.
(I did want to read more on this trip... whoops.)
Thoughts on ME:
I've had a bit of hard time the past few months. Body issues, problems with my past, a whole mess of insecurity. It's all still there, but I think I'm starting to realize that I am a great person. I mean, yeah, I'm not a twig, but I'd rather have curves than look like a lurpy boy. I have a lot of insecurities, but I have so many amazing qualities as well. It's a slow process, but I'm hoping that soon I'll learn just how beautiful and wonderful I really am.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Star Gazing
10:49 PM
I find stars completely enthralling. I could gaze at them all night. I stared into space curled up in about 7 different layers of clothes and blankets for about an hour this evening. I haven't just relaxed on the ground looking up into heaven for a very long time. At least since last summer. But I don't remember actually going stargazing at all last summer, so it might even be longer. (Unless waiting until nightfall in Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and then looking up into the sky and finding all of your favorite constellations which the makers of this brilliant game so awesomely put in all the right spots counts as star gazing... but I don't think it does.)
As I lay there tonight, searching the skies for Cassiopeia and Orion, I felt so infinitely small. It's a feeling I get quite often when I star gaze. The universe is so vast, and goes on forever, something completely unfathomable to me. I remember the first time I went to the Clark Planetarium at the Gateway Mall in Salt Lake City. At the top of the stairs is an exhibit about the solar system.
They have large models of each planet, scaled to show how much bigger or smaller one planet is from another. The earth is huge. We all live on it, and even if we were the most privileged person in the world and spent our entire life roaming over its surface, we would never see everything it has to offer. It's that vast. Earth looked like a tennis ball compared to Jupiter. Jupiter was about as tall as I am, maybe even taller. (5'8" if you're curious.) It completely dwarfed our little planet. Now, when I think about just how big our planet is, and if Jupiter is that much bigger... I feel like a tiny little speck. And we're only in one stretch of the galaxy. And there are boundless other galaxies out there. Space is infinite.
I lay there on my front lawn, and while I could have felt like I didn't matter, that I was just one of billions of people on this tiny little place we call Earth; I felt so incredibly loved. There's a purpose to everything. To every single person's life. I looked up into that beautiful dark sky sprinkled with twinkling stars that are so far away, the light has traveled years just so I can see a tiny little glimmer of it's magnitude; and felt my Heavenly Father's love. He made all of this, the ground at my back, the sky above me, even my own body. I owe him so much. I have so much to be thankful for.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
About Kate
4:07 PM
I am a daughter. A sister. A friend.
I grew up in a small town in Utah. I lived in the same house, in the same neighborhood until I was 18. As I grew, the town grew too, and I've loved watching all the changes in both of us. I moved away for a short amount of time, but I'm back. I feel connected to this town and don't know if I ever want to leave it for long.
An author. A director. A musician.
Me. Myself. I.
I am Simply Kate.
I grew up in a small town in Utah. I lived in the same house, in the same neighborhood until I was 18. As I grew, the town grew too, and I've loved watching all the changes in both of us. I moved away for a short amount of time, but I'm back. I feel connected to this town and don't know if I ever want to leave it for long.
From a young age I've been interested in fairy tales and writing. While I'm still waiting for my very own fairy tale to start, I write all the time. This blog is my biggest writing outlet. I've also written a novel, and am in the process of plotting my second. I suppose until my very own, real life fairy tale begins, I will settle for writing some fairy tales for the characters in my head.
I love to sing and be on stage. The spotlight is my friend. Some shows I've been in:
The Wizard of Oz
A Midsummer Night's Dream
12 Dancing Princesses
The Curious Savage
Annie
7 Brides For 7 Brothers
My blog is about my life. My thoughts. My ideas. My impressions.
It is just like the title says: Simply Kate. It's simply me.
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