Highlights:

Dear Family,
I love you all so much! You're all heading home now! I wish you all safe trips. I hope you know how much I'm going to miss you. It was so good to see you all at this hard but wonderful time in our lives. Thank you for being there.

Highlights:

• 3rd-4th ~ Went for morning walks with my dad. Love that man.
• 6th ~ Went to a church activity (combined FHE) but it was canceled for Labor Day.
• 10th-13th ~ Alyson here to visit.
• 12th ~ Family Pictures

• 20th ~ Church activity (FHE) We ate leftover spaghetti and played holy boards. It's similar to horseshoes. Both of which I am terrible at.
• 21st ~ Interview at Prime Time 4 Kids. I got the job!
• 22nd ~ First day of work!

We went down to my grandmother's house to take family pictures. It's always a big hassle. We take the photos ourself with the help of our camera's remote, and we always have to color coordinate which causes a lot of stress. But I think that they turned out well. Here are a few of my favorites.

My head is a jumbled mess of thoughts. So many of them are unconnected, but like six degrees of Kevin Bacon, I'm sure I could figure out a way to connect them.

Thought #1: It's weird seeing people my age getting married. People YOUNGER than me getting married. I'm happy for them. Albeit a little jealous. But when it comes down to it, I'm not ready for that kind of a commitment. Maybe if I had that one amazing guy in my life, I'd be willing and capable of taking that step. But at the moment, I haven't found the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. So, it's not that I'm jealous that they are married and moving on with their lives, starting that new chapter in their lives. I'm jealous that they have someone to love for the rest of eternity and I don't.

Thought #2: Why am I having so much trouble keeping to my diet or to my exercise plan? I want to lose this weight. So badly. I've been stuck within 3 pounds on either side of 180 for the past 4 months. It's aggravating. After losing nearly 40 pounds so quickly, being stuck at this weight that doesn't satisfy me is really bothering me. I don't think that my clothes look nice on my body, though I try my best to hide how uncomfortable I feel. (Connection to #1: I've been feeling like my appearance isn't attractive to men.)

Thought #3: I'm still unemployed. In October, I'll have been unemployed for a year. It's not that I haven't been trying to find a job. I just under qualified. I know that I need to get over my stupid pride and start at the bottom. Work at McDonald's or something. But honestly... the thought repulses me. For a few reasons, but the biggest one is that I have little to no self control when it comes to food. I've been doing pretty well trying to avoid fast food, but if I work there, I might just gain those 40 pounds right back. I can't let that happen. But I hate that I don't have any money. To buy clothes, to buy a car, to get out of my parent's house. (Connection to #2: Maybe if I had money to buy clothes better suited for my body type right now, I wouldn't feel so awkward at my weight.)

Thought #4: I've been messing around with Photoshop again after a long time. It's taken a little bit of time to get back into the swing of things, but I think I picked it up alright. I worked on my blog and I love the way it turned out. I owe Photoshop for all of that. I feel like I should get back into making videos as well. I haven't made a video since I started losing weight. Mostly because I was losing weight so quickly, I thought it wouldn't be long before I looked all smashing. I could make a video in a few months and surprise all of my viewers with how good I looked. But I don't feel like I'm at that point yet, so I haven't made a video. I've been trying to write a lot more as well, but I don't feel like it's anything special. It doesn't ignite my interest. (Connection to #3: I feel mediocre in everything I do. Why would anyone want to hire someone mediocre when they can have someone amazing?)

Thought #5: I want to read. But every time I sit down with a book, I read half a chapter and lose interest. (Connection to #4: Maybe I'm jealous that the writing is better than mine?)

Thought #6: My grandma is really sick. She has cancer and has only been given a few months to live. I think I've taken for granted how wonderful she is. I love her so much. I've been learning so much about her just by listening to my family members talk about her life. Yesterday she told a simple story about how when my grandpa proposed, he had to leave soon after. He was in the military and was stationed somewhere else. He sent her the rings in the mail and she had to put it on her own hand. I wish I had taken more time to get to know about her life. She's an amazing woman, and I have only seen a small bit of her incredible life. (Connection to #5: My grandma's life is a story that I don't know, just like all those books that I can't find the gumption to read.)

This post was kind of depressing. Forgive me for my rants. I've just got so many negative thoughts in my head right now and needed to get them out somehow. I'll try and replace them with positive ideas and get back to happy posting soon.

Uintah Utes Football,

Highlights:

• 6th ~ Alyson and I drove to Cedar City to spend the weekend with our aunt Susan and cousins Julie and Cassie.
• 7th-8th ~ The five of us girls went camping. Gorgeous mountains. We got rained out early on the 8th and came home. We were all hungry, so we went to IHOP. We looked like drowned rats and smelled like campfire. It was fabulous.

• 12th-15th ~ Kristi and Ronnie came to Vegas for an awesome weekend.
• 12th ~ We went and played Bingo and a few slots. It was my first time gambling (besides buying Lotto tickets when I was 19) and I wasn't too impressed with it. We also ate at an awesome buffet. So yummy!
• 13th ~ The three of us, plus Alyson's friends Akilah and Aaron, walked the strip. It was a lot more fun that I first thought it was going to be. The night was full of laughs. Hey. Can anyone teach me how to Dougie? 

• 14th ~ Alyson, Kristi and I went and saw KA! Cirque du Soleil! It was phenomenal. It blew my mind on so many levels. 

• 15th ~ We all said our goodbyes to Alyson and headed home. It was fun staying in Vegas, but I was so happy to be home again.
• 16th ~ I went to FHE where everyone seemed pretty excited to see me. We learned how to Country Swing Dance. Kill me now.
• 18th ~ Nashelle came over for a little while and we laughed about people getting married and other funny things. I miss her already.
• 19th-31st ~ I kind of disappeared into my room. I'm having trouble finding a job, and have been very depressed lately. I'm really trying to get over it. Hope I do soon.