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- ► 2011 (174)
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- Notes and a Giveaway!
- Die Fly!
- One Hundredth Post!
- Book Review
- Six Degrees of Katie's Brain
- ...Random notes...
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- August: A Month in the Life of Katie
- ▼ September (22)
Friday, September 17, 2010
I never understood why the Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly would ever swallow a fly.
Now I do. The thing was zooming around her room, buzzing as loud as a million Twilight fan-girls. She swallowed it to shut it up!
See?! She looks like she's going to go insane!
Only, she wasn't smart enough to know that stomach acid doesn't kill flies. Spiders do. And then she was stuck in an endless cycle of eating animals whole until her stomach popped like a balloon.
See. I'm smarter than her. I know better than to swallow bugs on purpose. I run around my room like a mad woman with a fly swatter. Bugs beware! I will be your doom!
At least... that was my determination.
So last night when I heard the ZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzZzz of a hairy house fly zooming aimlessly around my room, I was up in an instant with a primal need to slaughter the annoying creature. "Shoo fly" was not enough. The thing needed to die a horrible and painful death. I was the hunter and it was my disease carrying prey.
Has anyone ever tried to aim with a fly swatter?! You have to move quickly, because though flies can't fly in a straight line and repeatedly run into walls and windows, they have excellent escape tactics. So you swing that swatter like a death mace and miss completely because the handle is too long to aim correctly and you have to hunt the bugger down again.
This would be annoying in any case, but top it off with having a head cold and you've got a really dizzy, ticked off Katie. It's incredible how such a small thing that can ruin my mood. (I'm tempted to segue into how that relates to real life... but I really am just talking about a fly.) Soon enough the buzzing sounded like taunting laughter. It was mocking me. Evil. The thing is evil.
I finally whacked him hard. I knew I smashed the offending beast. I went to sleep and life was good. (Though I had nightmares about being attacked by a giant housefly.)
It was now three hours later. And I was getting woken up by the buzzing and soft 'tap tap tap' of a blind-in-the-darkness fly repeatedly head butting the wall.
Where are the revenge seeking spiders when I need them?
I somehow managed to fall back to sleep. I haven't heard him yet today. Maybe the internal bleeding I gave him finally killed him. One can only hope...