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Friday, September 17, 2010

Die Fly!

I never understood why the Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly would ever swallow a fly. 

Now I do. The thing was zooming around her room, buzzing as loud as a million Twilight fan-girls. She swallowed it to shut it up! 

See?! She looks like she's going to go insane!

Only, she wasn't smart enough to know that stomach acid doesn't kill flies. Spiders do. And then she was stuck in an endless cycle of eating animals whole until her stomach popped like a balloon. 

See. I'm smarter than her. I know better than to swallow bugs on purpose. I run around my room like a mad woman with a fly swatter. Bugs beware! I will be your doom!

At least... that was my determination. 

So last night when I heard the ZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzZzz of a hairy house fly zooming aimlessly around my room, I was up in an instant with a primal need to slaughter the annoying creature. "Shoo fly" was not enough. The thing needed to die a horrible and painful death. I was the hunter and it was my disease carrying prey.

Has anyone ever tried to aim with a fly swatter?! You have to move quickly, because though flies can't fly in a straight line and repeatedly run into walls and windows, they have excellent escape tactics. So you swing that swatter like a death mace and miss completely because the handle is too long to aim correctly and you have to hunt the bugger down again. 

This would be annoying in any case, but top it off with having a head cold and you've got a really dizzy, ticked off Katie. It's incredible how such a small thing that can ruin my mood. (I'm tempted to segue into how that relates to real life... but I really am just talking about a fly.) Soon enough the buzzing sounded like taunting laughter. It was mocking me. Evil. The thing is evil.

I finally whacked him hard. I knew I smashed the offending beast. I went to sleep and life was good. (Though I had nightmares about being attacked by a giant housefly.) 


It was now three hours later. And I was getting woken up by the buzzing and soft 'tap tap tap' of a blind-in-the-darkness fly repeatedly head butting the wall. 

Where are the revenge seeking spiders when I need them? 

I somehow managed to fall back to sleep. I haven't heard him yet today. Maybe the internal bleeding I gave him finally killed him. One can only hope...

10 Thoughts:

Ella Unread said...

hahaha :) I think I swallowed one once too :S It was somewhere close to me on the table and I tried to blow so it would go away with my giant breath but she got inside my mouth! I never knew whether I swallowed it or not...

Anonymous said...

I always wondered if someone had a phobia of flies and then saw a picture of a large fly eating someone's face. I wonder if they'd freak out.


lmfao I love killing flies! I'm a fly hitman! I just get a wet towel...wait...and get to slappin! I usually get them on the first time my BF got in the way...tagged his ass right in the face *SMACK*

theTsaritsa said...

That's why I let the spiders stay at my apartment rent-free: they take care of any other bugs. I can't stand flies! I like to vacuum them up if I see one.

Jas said...

I happen to be a champ at killing flies. I can kill them with anything. No, really. Anything.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I hope you continue to come back.

S.I.F. said...

You know, I heard once that flies defacate every single time they land! That always freaked me out... I mean, how gross is that!

One of the beautiful things about living in Alaska is that the bug population is pretty minimal... I kind of love that!

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Die fly! They are such annoying creatures. But between flies and mosquitos I'd rather see mosquitos die. There's this one time a stupid mosquito was buzzing around my ear. I was so sleepy so I hid under the covers and the morning after I had tons of mosquito bites all over my face! FML!

Salla said...

بعل ألذباب
ba'al azabab, Arabic, meaning beelzebub meaning the lord of flies

Ha! I knew it all along! flies are the devil's invasion in the world.

I wouldn't mind one giant fly in my dreams but imagine when there are thousands and thousands of them coming in from windows and there is nothing you can do about it. That's what I call nightmare :D

Lijington said...

EVILLL!!!! EEVVIIILLL!!! does a fly get in your room at bed time?..they usually move slow at night so it should be easy to kill time just call me I'll offer my services for a small fee

Anonymous said...

I can't kill flies either. Can't manage to hit them.