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- ▼ February (18)
- ► 2010 (151)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I have a lot of things to be happy about in my life. Let's list a few.
- Wonderful parents who are so supportive and encouraging! -
- Beautiful sisters who are so sweet, loving, and so ready to help me! -
- An amazing boyfriend who treats me so well and makes me smile more than I ever thought I could! -
There are so many other examples of the places happiness can be found in my life.
However, I haven't been feeling very happy lately. And I couldn't figure it out. There are so many great things in my life to be happy about.
But tonight it hit me.
I'm not happy with ME.
How did I not figure this out sooner? It was so obvious. Everything that has been bothering me lately is because I'm afraid I'm not good enough. That I'm too heavy. That I don't have the qualifications or skills to succeed in life. That I'm going to fail.
Yeah, I moved to Las Vegas. And that was a HUGE step! And I'm so proud of myself now that I've realized just how big a step that was. The rest of this isn't going to be easy, but I took the first step.
However, even though I've been filling out applications like a mad woman, I am terrified of actually finding a job. Why? Because I know that's just one more step. A big scary step.
I've also been gaining some of the weight that I worked so hard to lose in 2010. The other day, my sister and I went shopping in this store with some awesome clothes. But the instant I walked in, it was obvious that the clothes wouldn't fit me unless I was a size 4. I couldn't help but feel like a big balloon walking around the clothing racks with all of these tiny girls.
I'm so scared that I'm going to fail or lose these things that make me happy that I'm almost pushing them away with my insecurities.
And so today, I will start the road to being a new me.
A new me doesn't mean that I will become a size 4.
A new me doesn't mean that I will land the perfect job on the first try.
A new me means that I am going to work so hard to love me for the beautiful, amazing woman that I am.
I want to be happy with myself. And I'm going to do all that I can to get there. One step at a time.