I've officially been 21 for 4 days. It's been quite the roller coaster. 

Wednesday: I had the flu. It only lasted for the day, but I spent the day catching up on my TV shows, watching 2012 and starting Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I also received SO many birthday wishes and felt so very loved. So even though I felt nauseous all day, it was a really great birthday.

Thursday: I felt better, which was great. I finished my first book of the year (Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz) and it totally turned me off reading. The ending sucked and I was depressed for the rest of the evening. Had to stop myself from breaking into tears at the grocery store. (I get really into the books I read... when they end badly, I am devastated.) So to cheer myself up, I watched three awesome movies. Star Trek, Time Traveler's Wife, and The Blind Side. I felt much better by the time I went to bed.

Friday: My BFF Nashelle took me to lunch for my birthday and then bought me earrings afterward. The girl spoiled me with presents and I love them all. An adorable frame/candle set, a slipper foot massager, a skirt and a dress. Thanks so much Nashelle! Then 12 Steps which had such an amazing spirit. I love those meetings and I'm feeling so great right now!

Saturday: We had a Bridal Shower for a Relief Society activity. We have a few girls getting married this summer. It was lots of fun. Natalie and I went shopping after and I bought some pretty cute stuff. We went to Robin Hood later in the evening. It was... not my favorite. There were things I liked... but I didn't enjoy how much the storyline differed from traditional Robin Hood stories. Oh well. It was still great to hang out with her and get out of the house. 

I never know what to say when people ask me "What do you want for you birthday?" I usually reply with a "Nothing. Really. Don't get me anything." because it's the easy answer. In truth, there are so many things that I want, but I don't feel comfortable asking for. 

However, we all get those gifts that no one really wants and you didn't ever ask for. We put on a pleasantly surprised and gracious face, because it's the thought that counts. But in our minds, we know that the gift is eventually going to be dumped. 

Well, my body decided to give me a gift this morning. Woke me up bright and early for it too. A big, shiny case of Food Poisoning. 

Happy Birthday to me...

But I'm trying to put on a pleasantly surprised and gracious face, because it's the thought that counts. My body is merely saying: 

Body: "Okay Katie. I decided to get you a very practical gift. You're 21 now, so I just thought I'd give you a taste of what it will feel like to drink. If you ever do, you'll have a date with a toilet."

Katie: "You're right body. That's a very practical and well thought out gift. Thank you."

I'm turning 21 tomorrow! Every year I always write a list of goals that I want to accomplish during that specific year of my existence. I never complete them. But this year I'm feeling VERY able to accomplish these things. And I've decided to update you all on my progress on a monthly basis. This way I can feel like I'm actually keeping up with these things. And the shame will be posted on my blog monthly if I don't complete my tasks, therefore keeping me motivated. 

21 Goals for my 21st Year of Life!

My family is hilarious. Always has been. Lately, though, we don't hang out. Just a few "hey, hi, hello's" and they are out the door. 

But tonight. Tonight we had family dinner. Banana pancakes with strawberries on top. Yum. After the plates had been cleared, we all sat at the table and just chatted. Two of my sisters and my parents. One of the stories I just had to share because it would have been selfish of me to keep it to myself.

I was ranting about how I never want a public proposal. It's tacky, and even if I love the guy, I'll say no. Too much pressure. It's not a game show! I don't need the "Say yes! Say yes!" from the crowd. It's not Deal or No Deal. My dad then began telling this story of an old flame he had back in his college days. She would always tell him that if he asked, she would marry him in a heartbeat. He was certain this wasn't true. (He didn't want to marry her either.) We all listened as he explained how he proposed to this girl in this perfect little park while beautiful big snowflakes fell slowly from the sky. "Kathy, will you marry me?" "No." He laughed, pointed his finger in her face and said. "See!? I told you that you wouldn't say yes."

Kristi: "Dad... if you didn't like this girl, and she didn't really like you... why were you so serious?"

Dad: "She was a great kisser." 

*A few chuckles, pursed lips from mom and a groan from me.*

Katie: "And I'm trying to find one of you people? Here I was thinking that my dad was above all of this shallow guy stuff. Thanks dad."

He continued to explain how for the first four dates they talked about EVERYTHING. They seemed to be so in tune with each other. So much so that he invited her to come and spend Thanksgiving with his family. My grandfather didn't like her. At all. He asked my dad: "Why do you like her so much?" "We connect really well." "Have you kissed her?" "No." "Well, maybe you should find out if your 'physical' connection is strong before you decide."

So, later: 

Dad: "My dad says we need to kiss." (Great opener. That's just what every girl wants to hear.)

Kathy: "I have great respect for your dad."

She was a great kisser and needless to say conversation is effectively ruined when your lips are smashed together. 

I'm very behind in my blog reading. I have so many blogs to read that sometimes all of the 'new posts' overwhelm me and I take a break. But by the time I decide I want to read again, I have a huge heaping pile of blogs that I haven't read and need to catch up on. 

This morning, I was doing some catch up. (Not to be mistaken for Ketchup, which sounds really good with some crinkle fries right now.) I stumbled across this post. Siovhan's blog is adorable and always makes me smile. I kind of love her to death. And her post about how we should celebrate how awesome we are is a genius one, I must admit. So, I thought I would write down 10 things that make me awesome. 

I've been feeling a little down on myself lately. And I just want to thank Siovhan for pointing out that we are all awesome. Are you feeling down? Write a list about why YOU are awesome. Post it in my comments, and be sure to go over and post that list in Siovhan's post too! 

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." 

I hope this is the case... because right now I feel like I just ripped out my heart and threw it into a meat grinder. It hurts. So much.

Right now I'm having a hard time picturing how things will get better. I mean... my heart looks like ground beef! How can I recover from that? 

I ended a relationship with someone I really and honestly loved because I knew that's what my Heavenly Father wanted and expected of me. I know I'm doing the right thing. I know I am. But why does the right thing have to hurt this badly? 

I've been replaying this song in my head all morning. I told him two hours ago... and I know it's soon, and it's hurting... but it will get better, with time. It has to. 

I have a list of things I want, the things in my Patriarchal Blessing. "These blessings are predicated on your faithfulness and your desire to receive them." I have the desire. I want those blessings more than anything in this life. Now I just need to work on my faithfulness. But I took that first step, and I have to believe that if I keep moving in the right direction, things will work out for my good. 

Okay... so I failed miserably at Blog Everyday in April. Oh well. I tried.

Happiest Moment: Watching Empire Records with Natalie.

Saddest Moment: It was pretty crushing to get cast in the role I did. 

Favorite Food: Anything Mexican. I had such a craving for Mexican food this month. Mmm hmm! So good.

Overall: It was a roller coaster month. My heart was soaring at moment and broken at others. I've been stressed and relaxed and stressed again. I'm glad I'm past it. I'm glad I experienced it.